Issue Date: December 28, 2008
Time to grow up
I am a 37-year-old man who has a terrific relationship with my parents, and I live in the guesthouse on their property. They like having me nearby, and I like that I can save money. Why do girls think my situation makes me a loser?
K.T., Florida
Being a good son and salary saver say little about your partner potential. Here's the harsh reality: You're approaching 40 and you still refer to women as "girls." You've never been independent and had to learn how to run your own household. Plus, let's face it: Most women will figure that to keep the living situation you currently have, your parents probably will have a say about whom you date.
Nothing about you says "equal partner." That means someone who can stand on his own two feet -- and help someone else stay on theirs.
It's time to get out on your own. Find a place away from your parents that forces you to take responsibility for your chores and bills. Spend a little of that money updating your look and outlook. Travel, take some classes, try something challenging and new that will open you up to new people. Finally, take some time to figure out why you haven't been putting more effort into growing up and being available for a real relationship. The fact that you stayed in your situation despite knowing that you were being pegged a "loser" may signal intimacy issues.
If my tips sound like too much work, don't despair. There's always a female out there willing to settle just to settle down. If that's enough for you, then just be prepared to get what you give.
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