Issue Date: April 19, 2009
Love vs. clutter
I love my wife, but I hate that she cannot throw anything out and clutters up our home. I just want her to find a way to organize her things so that I don't dread going home. How do I get her to at least keep our bedroom a safe place from her habits?
M.J., Texas
What's good: You love her enough to want to find a solution rather than give up. Not so good: You're putting the cleanup burden entirely on her.
According to Jamie Novak, organizing expert and author of "The Get Organized Answer Book," one of the many reasons why people collect and clutter is because they may be concerned about family financial matters, leading to a "we spent good money on this" syndrome that makes them irrationally hold on to unneeded things.
Another motivator: attention. If there has been a change in intimacy, a spouse may actually use clutter to get noticed.
It's time for a team effort. If you've hinted quietly, or threatened to "not come home," you haven't helped the issue. "Addressing the issue calmly and suggesting creating a clutter-free zone together usually inspires the willingness to change," Novak says. Working side-by-side in one room at a time allows you to reconnect and her to share what has been making her feel so afraid to let go of all those possessions.
Be sure to take a "before" photo so that when the clutter-free zone -- i.e., your bedroom -- is complete, the "after" shot will help her resolve to keep it that way.
|
