Issue Date: May 10, 2009
Wedding gift IOU
A good friend who attended my wedding gave us an IOU for a present in her card. I was told that, etiquette-wise, a person has a full year to get you a gift, so even though I'd see her out, I didn't bring it up. We celebrated our first anniversary and still nothing. My husband says to forget it, but I want to confront her. Who is right here?
S.J., Arizona
Google almost any wedding site that includes gift etiquette, and I guarantee you'll find that the age-old "one-year rule" is in debate. (TheKnot.com and manners experts at EmilyPost.com acknowledge the rule but suggest you wait no longer than three months to send a gift.)
As someone who has yet to receive "promised" gifts five years after my wedding, I've had to decide what was more important: the actual gift, or the gift of friendships that I depend on and cherish. At least two of the people who offered me IOUs still aren't in good financial shape and, I'm betting, are depending on my friendship to forgive and forget.
Your husband is right: Let it go. Sure, you got one less material gift, but would it have made as much a difference as, say, not having her there to share your special day? Has she continued to be a friend who enriches your life? Silver candlesticks can't beat that kind of warmth.
Weddings often can bring out the best and worst in us. Let this incident teach you about understanding, forgiveness and patience. That's a gift that will keep on giving.
|
