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My guy's becoming Groomzilla

A bride seeks to deal with her fiancé's big wedding plans.

If it were up to me, I'd get married at city hall. My husband-to-be and my mother, however, have other ideas, and they are dragging me into the middle of their wedding wars. I tried to stay out of it, but now I'm going to have to mediate. Which responsibilities should go to whom?
W.H., Calif.

If you watch enough wedding shows and movies, it's easy to believe that every woman looks at her wedding day as the be-all and end-all moment of her entire existence. In fact, according to a slew of letters I've received over the last two years, many women like you have not been bitten by the "Bridezilla" bug.

Women today are waiting longer to get married, meaning that many fork over their own funds for the big day rather than relying on Mom and Dad. Most are reluctant to rack up a stack of post-honeymoon bills.

Although your attitude about a simple city hall service is sensible, you need to be more sensitive to your fiancé's (and, to a lesser degree, your mom's) need to celebrate this wonderful occasion. Here's how:

Don't just mediate and delegate. Show them that you are caught up in the spirit of celebrating the day. That way, you can take control without looking like a party pooper.

Play the "I'm the bride" card for the right reasons. Emphasize the importance of a stress-free budget guideline. Suggest that both your fiancé and your mom come up with their top two wedding must-haves, and then ask them to work together to incorporate those within the budget.

Still squabbling over the budget? Find your inner frugal. If you love flowers, for example, ask some friends to send you a fresh, beautiful bouquet as a wedding gift that you can use at your reception -- or in your bouquet. Can't afford a professional photographer? Supply instant cameras and ask that all pictures be showcased on a photo-sharing website; the "best of" will get a $50 prize.

Speak up. If there's something in particular that you really want at your wedding, then say so -- the sooner, the better. Don't stay quiet or acquiesce. This should be your first and last wedding, so speak now or forever hold your peace!