Mixing kids and pets

The rewards are great, but supervision and common sense are needed.

By Steve Dale

Growing up with pets can teach kids responsibility and compassion. And if your name is Timmy, your pet might even save your life on a weekly basis. But not all pets are like Lassie, even if we expect them to be.

"It's a red flag whenever I hear that a dog tolerates and just deals with the kids," says dog trainer Colleen Pelar, author of "Living With Kids and Dogs ... Without Losing Your Mind."

The fact is, most pet bites happen to children, and they happen because one day the dog or cat gets fed up and deals with it the only way he knows how. Even Lassie can be pushed only so far.

Some experts argue that you can't teach a toddler not to pull on tails or play with the pet's food. "Oh, but you can," says Lynn Buzhardt, co-author of "Can We Have One? A Parent's Guide to Raising Kids With Cats and Dogs." Parents go ballistic if their little one sticks a finger into an electric outlet. She says that should be the same response if the toddler is about to poke the pooch in the eye. "Even very young children can learn 'gentle' with consistent repetition and positive reinforcement," she says.

1. Demonstrate how to appropriately interact with pets. For example, being hugged isn't natural for most dogs or cats. In the world of our dogs and cats, approaching from the side and gently petting while speaking in a quiet voice is good manners.

Caring for a kitty takes compassion.

2. Provide the pet with a safe place to retreat. Cats are pretty good at finding a safe haven under the bed or on a shelf well above the height that kids can reach. Pelar says the crate always has been her dogs' sanctuary, and her children, now ages 12, 14 and 17, always have known that the crates are off-limits to kids. The dogs also learned that if the kids are too boisterous, they can escape to their crates.

3. Never leave a pet alone with a child. Young children aren't capable of picking up on cues, such as a hissing cat or a growling dog offering a warning that he's upset. And kids might drop fragile pets, such as bunnies or guinea pigs. Of course, at some point, kids can be trusted -- usually around age 12 -- depending on the kids and the pets. "Generally, children can be trusted when they have the physical ability to handle the pet, can 'read' the pet's body language, adhere to what the pet is 'saying' and are responsible enough to be trusted to handle it humanely," Pelar says. Basically, if you don't have the time to supervise your young kids with the pet, then you don't have time for a pet.

Of course, pets also teach kids about responsibility. But ownership of that responsibility ultimately falls on the shoulders of adults.

4. Find caregiving roles for kids. Some children are simply more responsible than others. Of course, you can't depend on most 5-year-olds, but some will surprise you with their concern: "Mommy, the water dish needs to be filled." A 13-year-old theoretically should be reliable enough to walk the dog after school, scoop a litter box or change the hamster cage.

The American Humane Association seeks to protect both kids and pets. "If we reach parents and they understand that living with pets encourages compassion and empathy," says the group's CEO and president, Marie Belew Wheatley, "then we may ultimately break the cycle of violence as more children learn kindness at an early age and become more humane adults as a result."

Steve Dale last wrote about cutting-edge medicine for pets.