Issue Date: June 14, 2009
Teach boys not to be abusive
Since the story about the alleged abuse of pop star Rihanna, I've seen hundreds of articles written for young women about the warning signs of an abusive boyfriend. What I haven't seen: articles for boys about not being that kind of guy. What can we tell or teach our sons to keep them from falling into abusive behavior?
M.C., Washington
You can begin by being honest about what goes on in your household. Research shows that abuse is a learned behavior that often starts in the home. In fact, male children who witness abuse of their mothers are more likely to become batterers themselves. Also, keep in mind that abuse isn't only physical. Mental and emotional cruelty both are bully tactics that can cause your child to vent his anger on someone weaker.
If your home environment is safe, your next move is to pay attention to your son's -- and his friends' -- conversations and attitudes about women, says Marissa Presley, a prevention education specialist for Laura's House, a non-profit group that provides domestic violence education. Do they talk about keeping girlfriends "in line"? If your son has a girlfriend, do you hear him telling her to shut up or blaming her for making him be mean to her?
The sooner a boy's behavior is called out, the better the odds of preventing someone from getting hurt -- and not passing that behavior down to another generation.
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