Issue Date: June 21, 2009
Refocus spoiled kids
I used to spoil my sister's kids (5 and 7), but now that I'm about to have a baby, I'm reconsidering. I don't want my kids to be like hers, thinking they should have everything they ask for, but I don't know how to act around kids any other way. Can you help?
V.I., New Jersey
Help kids learn about the value of a dollar.
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The next time you see the kids, say that you'd like to spend less time shopping and more time having fun and getting their input about cool things to do when the baby is born. Bonus: You'll save money and teach the kids that you don't have to spend a lot to have a good time, a valuable lesson in today's tough economic times.
Karen Deerwester, author of "The Entitlement-Free Child," says that letting them know how important their new "big cousin" roles are will help them refocus without feeling displaced or deprived.
But prepare to be challenged. "When adults 'change the deal' about how their relationship has always worked, children will test to see if they can get what they are used to," Deerwester says. Be firm about not going to the mall unless there's a special occasion, and set limits upfront. Maybe choose a budget and let them pick one gift for themselves and one for a child in need.
Finally, sit down with your sister, talk about your concerns, and learn how she tries to keep her kids grounded -- even after a visit to an overindulgent relative!
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