Issue Date: July 12, 2009
Learn to date again
I'm a woman over 45 who's about to go back on the dating market (but I'm not a "cougar" looking for young men!). I feel pretty good about myself. How does someone my age go about dating?
C.T., Washington
Cougars. Sugar daddies. I hate those terms! With so many people over "a certain age" back on the market after a divorce, death or devastating breakup, only a handful of people fits those "media-sexy" profiles.
Psychologist Judith Sills, author of "Getting Naked Again," agrees. According to her own research, tens of millions of men and women in this country are single, over 40 and, like you, looking for love with someone at a similar place in his or her life.
So, where to start? It sounds like you're already on track: feeling good about yourself in a realistic way and understanding that you don't need to be perfect. That's very attractive to potential partners. Now, Sills says, reclaim your "single identity." It's time to do things for yourself, not for others. Try a new hairdo or hobby, and get back in touch with activities that you're passionate about.
Then, you can take small, comfortable steps to meet others via the Web. Online dating lets you chat and flirt, and you'll get some dating practice with people in your age group. Most sites are secure; no one can see your personal information unless you give it out. Schedule your first dates for no more than one hour. That way, you can exit gracefully if the guy's a dud.
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