Issue Date: August 9, 2009
Rebuild trust after betrayals
By Dennie Hughes
In my boyfriend's car, I found a card from another woman that was filled with what I feel is inappropriate innuendo. He claims nothing happened, that the crush is all on her end. I want to believe him, but I've been cheated on before, so I'm going crazy trying to look for more evidence. How do I find a way to trust him again?
K.G., Illinois
If what's making you crazy truly is based on you having been cheated on before, then it's time for you to exorcise those ghosts of traitors past.
Learning how to trust again -- that is, having the confidence to believe that someone actually can be faithful, open and honest, and, more important, make your happiness a priority -- isn't easy. But it's worth the effort, because without trust, your relationship will be empty.
Start by putting yourself in his shoes. Think about how you'd feel if someone you had done nothing but loved and cared for didn't believe in you.
Next, share your fears. You've been carrying some bad baggage with you in relationships, and the only way to unload it is to let your boyfriend help you.
Finally, take stock of yourself. Instead of worrying about someone else being prettier, thinner or smarter, write out a list of all the reasons you are a catch.
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