Issue Date: August 23, 2009
Take time to grieve when you lose a beloved pet
My mother recently had a stroke, and some of my friends and family members have been going through hard times, too. I was everyone's rock -- until two weeks ago, when my dog died suddenly. I'm a total wreck. I'm embarrassed to admit it, but I'm grieving over my dog more than I ever have over a person. Is this reaction normal?
S.H., Connecticut
A relationship with a pet is just as legitimate and important as any other in your life.
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Absolutely. You're used to being a "rock" and keeping your emotions in check, but how we grieve has a lot to do with the type of relationship we had with the loved one who passed away. The relationship with your dog was unconditional, without expectations or pressure.
What is not normal, says Phyllis Kosminsky, author of "Getting Back to Life When Grief Won't Heal," is if none of the people you've been there for has stepped up for you during this time when you are in a state of emotional turmoil. You don't have to wait for help: Ask for some support from people you've comforted.
"You may be pleasantly surprised to see that many friends and family -- who are unused to any show of vulnerability from you -- are more than happy to help you through this tough time," Kosminsky says. The bad news/good news? You'll also learn which people are "emotional vampires," who call you only when they need a boost of positive energy.
People who have never owned a dog or other animal often find that dismissing the passing of someone else's pet is easy. But experts agree that the relationship with a pet is just as legitimate and important as any other in your life, and going through the grieving process is not frivolous -- it's absolutely necessary.
In addition to reaching out to your family members and friends for comfort, consider contacting the ASPCA Pet Loss Support Hotline at 877-474-3310.
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