Issue Date: September 27, 2009
Don't ditch your gay son's wedding
My son is gay. I've never let that affect our relationship, but last week, he asked his mother and me to walk him down the aisle for his wedding celebration. I don't want any part of it. His mother feels bad, but she agrees with me. How do we get out of this situation?
R.J., Washington
Let me tell you a story: I know someone whose parents decided not to come to her wedding. They said it wasn't a protest, but, well, they weren't social people and preferred not to go. And even though she -- I -- never let that decision interfere in my relationship with my parents, I never fully got over the disappointment and hurt.
Your son wants to celebrate having found the love of his life, and he wants the other two most important people in his life to be a part of that joyful occasion. Don't turn his big day into a political statement on gay marriage. Instead, continue being that loving, supportive parent who didn't let his son's coming out affect your relationship. If you're feeling uncomfortable at the reception, bow out early -- after the pictures are taken, that is.
If you don't change your mind about going to the wedding, don't force your wife to feel disloyal if she wants to be there. The fact that she "feels bad" says volumes.
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