Issue Date: October 11, 2009
The dreaded hug
Is it just me, or has the hug become the new handshake?
H.D., Colorado
I, too, find it perplexing to have to lean in for an "air kiss, hug-hug" thing with people I barely know. Yet, there's Michelle Obama giving the queen of England a squeeze. Even he-man types and rappers "hug it out."
Many experts, such as Hollywood, Fla., psychologist Michelle Reitman, agree that in a culture where the only "closeness" many people experience is an illusion (especially in social media circles), people are craving a real connection. And touching in a safe setting spikes oxytocin -- the "feel-good" hormone in the brain -- which can help people bond more quickly, says Paul Zak, director of the Center for Neuroeconomics Studies at Claremont Graduate University in California.
Still, plenty of people, such as school officials, human-resources professionals and public health advocates (fearing a flu outbreak) aren't embracing the trend either.
So, how to get out of it? I often take the chicken's way out with "I may be coming down with something and don't want to get too close." The braver method is to smile, robustly extend your hand and say, "Hello" or "Great to meet you." Using your other hand to "sandwich" the handshake will give it a bit more warmth.
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