STRAIGHT TALK
By Jeffrey Zaslow
Issue date:
July 4-6, 1997
Kenny LogginsLoggins and wife Julia say candor is the key to good relationships. Their new book and his new album echo a New Age theme.
 n his new album, Kenny Loggins sings a song titled I Am Not Hiding. "It may be my new theme song," he says. The person he's not hiding from is his wife.
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Beardless and footloose: Striving to show who he really is, Kenny Loggins has shaved his beard of 25 years.
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Kenny Loggins' hits: Your Mama Don't Dance, Danny's Song, Whenever I Call You Friend, This Is It, I'm Alright, Footloose, Danger Zone.
The singer fears: That exposing his marriage to the world "puts my career at risk." But he hopes his "lessons of love" touch people. His summer schedule includes concerts and speeches with Julia.
Family: Their son, Lukas, is 4; Julia is six months' pregnant; Kenny has three kids -- ages 9, 15 and 16 -- from his first marriage.
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Kenny, 49, and Julia, 42, believe relationships must be built on candor -- about who you really are and what you really think of the person you love. This week, they'll share their unconventional love story in a new book, The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love. Kenny's album has the same title and theme.How direct is Kenny about Julia? Let's peek inside his diary: "She's ugly and weird. ... Who needs her?" Yes, he was angry with her that day, but love means nothing is concealed, Kenny says. So they read each other's journals. At the beach, he tells her when he finds other women attractive. At home in Santa Barbara, Calif., everything is open for discussion -- resentments, fears, fantasies. They know that they are considered bizarre. After all, their 1992 wedding began with the wedding party in the nude. "I saw it as a statement that [everyone] had nothing to hide," Kenny says. Julia says she follows only "far-out'' healers and therapists, and advises Kenny to do the same. He wonders: "Is that incredible wisdom or is she a New Age Gracie Allen?" She even inspired Kenny, who wore a beard for 25 years, to shave. "I was afraid Julia would say, 'Oh, I didn't know you looked like that!' " Instead, "she discovered a new erogenous zone." Both had first marriages where their goal was "to get along." But introspection and angst pay off, Julia says: "The rough spots always lead us to a closer place." "The more honest you can be, the less you have to hide," explains Kenny, holding Julia's hand. "When I have nothing to hide, I have everything to give."
PHOTO CREDIT: ROBERT SEBREE FOR USA WEEKEND
KENNY AND JULIA'S ADVICE (IN STEREO)
Study your parents' relationship: Says Kenny: "If you don't go back and see where your patterns came from, you'll play them out subconsciously. People think therapy is about blaming parents. But you can't reach genuine compassion for people until you've looked at their shadows.""Sexual attraction is not infidelity": Julia accepts that Kenny finds other women attractive. "I learned that no matter how good I look, I can't be every woman, anyway. I can't be the blond or the Asian. And that's OK."On stepparenting: "You've got to keep showing up, even when the kids don't want you to," says Julia, stepmom to Kenny's three children. "It takes tremendous courage, but there are so many rewards."Strive for 20/20 vision: "Debunk the idea that seeing everything about a person makes them less lovable," Julia says.Be willing to change: Don't let fear stop you, Kenny says. He suspects that "even a caterpillar feels fear before he spins his cocoon."
ASK LOGGINS FOR ADVICE
Kenny Loggins will write or call a reader who seeks advice. By July 13, write to "Straight Talk," P.O. Box 3455, Chicago, Ill. 60654 (fax: 312-661-0375; e-mail: talk@usaweekend.com).
Zaslow is an advice columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times.
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