It's never too late to right your wrongs, big or small

After I lost my job in October 2007, I took stock of my life and didn't like what I saw. Working as hard as I had over the years, I had become disconnected from the people who mattered most to me.

My wife and three young children were afraid to approach me. My daughter told people, “Daddy never smiles.” I hadn't talked to some of my closest friends in more than a decade.

Instead of rushing back into the job market, I decided to spend a year reconnecting with my friends and relatives and making amends. I devoted myself to tending to what I called “my unfinished business.” That has helped me become a more attentive husband, father, son and friend — and a happier, more energetic person.

In the crunch of our lives, we lose touch with relatives and friends. Kindnesses don't get reciprocated and thank-yous never get said. Our grudges and rivalries persist when it would be better to forgive, heal and move on.

Most of us will never have the luxury of a full year to close circles and make amends. Still, you can keep your unfinished business from accumulating, even while leading a busy, stressful life.

Now that I've had ample opportunity to revisit my past mistakes — and experience the rewards of fixing them — I'd like to share some of the lessons I learned:

Take stock of your life.

Have you lost touch with people who were important to you? Are there things you've done or not done that gnaw at you? Are there people in your life who could die tomorrow without knowing how much they meant to you? Keep a list of your unfinished business and chip away at it.

Start small.

Instead of trying to put an end to the cold war dividing your family, begin with a project you can control. Apologize to your brother for not attending his Super Bowl party. Respond to an e-mail you should have answered a week ago. Write a note or make a call.

Identify your fears.

Unfinished business often is the result of an underlying fear that needs to be addressed. For example, I wasn't able to express my condolences to a friend whose daughter had been killed in Iraq until I realized how afraid I was of intruding on his grief.

Reach out and reconnect.

Thanks to the Internet, it has never been easier to locate and communicate with people. (It took me just a few minutes to track down a friend who had changed his name and become a monk.)

Be sincere.

No matter what the wrong, the most important ingredient in making it right is your sincerity. If you reach out with a genuine heart, your friends will be delighted to hear from you again.

Reflect on your experience.

This is key to learning and growing. Keep a journal, or summarize what you've learned in e-mails to friends.

The hurdles we face in tackling our unfinished business can seem impossibly high, but the first step in clearing them can be simple: Again, write a note or make a phone call. Once you identify your fears and reach beyond them, you'll become a more complete and contented person.