Talking to someone with cancer

Even the most well-intentioned comments can be less than comforting for people with cancer, says Lori Hope, author of Help Me Live: 20 Things People With Cancer Want You to Know. Even if you’re unsure what to say, “don’t avoid the subject,” Hope says. “Say, ‘I’d like to ask how you’re doing, but I don’t want to bring it up if you don’t want to talk about it. What would you prefer?’” Below, conversation swaps that show how much you care.

Instead of saying: "How are you feeling?"

Say: “How’s it going?” If a cancer patient doesn’t feel like talking about her health, a more open-ended question allows her to introduce another subject.

Instead of saying: "My neighbor died of that exact same thing. It was awful."

Say: “I’m so sorry to hear about your cancer. Know that I’ll be thinking of you.” Horror stories rob patients of hope — and they are hard to put out of your mind.

Instead of saying: "Think positively."

Say: “I imagine you’re feeling so many things right now. Please know I’m here to listen whenever you’d like to talk about it.” Promoting the power of positive thinking minimizes what the person is going through, says Hope.

Instead of saying: "Let me know what I can do to help."

Say: “I’d love to drop off dinner one day next week.” Says Hope, “The more specific your offer, the more helpful it is.” Just be sure to follow through.