"After taking Meal-on-Wheels to Grandma, the small, good wolf co-signed home loans for all the little pigs."

"My robotic dog ate my electronic book."

"I'm asleep. What are you doing?"

"I'm so glad you're home. There's something in the refrigerator I want you to smell."

"Hey, we should celebrate -- I've been wrong about everything for a whole year."

"Doesn't know his ABC's yet, but he can already ID nearly 20 fast-food chains."

"I think we're in line for the roller coaster. Or maybe hot dogs. It's still too early to tell."

"Tell me again about your dot-com glory days. Y'know, back when you were my age."

"...and someone's been using my cell phone -- and used up all my minutes!"

"Contestant on a reality show -- and you?"

"I think it was a fair settlement. I got the house and car. He got custody of the highway we adopted."

"We offer an interactive dining environment. You order it. I get it. You eat it."

"Petey's new name is Swampmaster P. And he no longer hops. Now he hip-hops."

"I happen to be quite proud of the fact that I have no self-esteem, thank you very much."

"His family's old money."

"Just put the tattoo where your mom won't see it. It's no big deal. I've done it dozens of times."

"Mrs. Johnson, my backpack's really full. Can I just fax this home?"

"Just pretend she's a par four and you're Tiger Woods."

"I think it would be a good idea if you took some time from your Web site to play with your father."

"Well, you can think whatever you want.
I prefer to think of our bowl as half full."

"Henry! You aren't making a difference!"

"And it's the No. 1 stolen car in America!"

"My Mom refuses to watch CNN. She says as long as the home shopping channels are still on, she knows everything is OK."

"You are aware, I hope, that other kids are satisfied with a drink of water."

"I found out that I'm eligible for paid family leave. So Dear- I'm leaving."

"I tried those self-whitening toothpastes, but actually it was the dental strips that did the trick for me."

"All you had to do was press the 'Home' key."

"Remember when Santa used to talk to children on his lap? Now he just instant messages them on his laptop."

"Will a current automotive term finally help you understand? Leo, I have zero percent interest in you."