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USA WEEKEND cartoons, including Affirmies and Thurbear | USA WEEKEND Magazine

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

"After taking Meal-on-Wheels to Grandma, the small, good wolf co-signed home loans for all the little pigs."

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"My robotic dog ate my electronic book."

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"I'm asleep. What are you doing?"

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"I'm so glad you're home. There's something in the refrigerator I want you to smell."

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"Hey, we should celebrate -- I've been wrong about everything for a whole year."

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"Doesn't know his ABC's yet, but he can already ID nearly 20 fast-food chains."

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"I think we're in line for the roller coaster. Or maybe hot dogs. It's still too early to tell."

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"Tell me again about your dot-com glory days. Y'know, back when you were my age."

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"...and someone's been using my cell phone -- and used up all my minutes!"

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"Contestant on a reality show -- and you?"

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"I think it was a fair settlement. I got the house and car. He got custody of the highway we adopted."

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"We offer an interactive dining environment. You order it. I get it. You eat it."

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"Petey's new name is Swampmaster P. And he no longer hops. Now he hip-hops."

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"I happen to be quite proud of the fact that I have no self-esteem, thank you very much."

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"His family's old money."

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"Just put the tattoo where your mom won't see it. It's no big deal. I've done it dozens of times."

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"Mrs. Johnson, my backpack's really full. Can I just fax this home?"

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"Just pretend she's a par four and you're Tiger Woods."

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"I think it would be a good idea if you took some time from your Web site to play with your father."

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"Well, you can think whatever you want.
I prefer to think of our bowl as half full."

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"Henry! You aren't making a difference!"

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"And it's the No. 1 stolen car in America!"

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"My Mom refuses to watch CNN. She says as long as the home shopping channels are still on, she knows everything is OK."

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"You are aware, I hope, that other kids are satisfied with a drink of water."

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"I found out that I'm eligible for paid family leave. So Dear- I'm leaving."

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"I tried those self-whitening toothpastes, but actually it was the dental strips that did the trick for me."

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"All you had to do was press the 'Home' key."

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"Remember when Santa used to talk to children on his lap? Now he just instant messages them on his laptop."

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"Will a current automotive term finally help you understand? Leo, I have zero percent interest in you."

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