"I considered hormone replacement therapy. But for me, I decided husband replacement therapy worked much better."

"Right about now, global warming doesn't sound so bad."

"Didn't you get my e-mail?"

"It's just a formality, but I'll also need a lock of your hair for DNA analysis."

"Looks like everyone is trying to have the first baby of the millennium."

"What the chat room has brought together, let no man put asunder."

"It's a 10-minute recipe but a 40-minute cleanup."

"I'm so glad you're home. There's something in the refrigerator I want you to smell."

"Hey, we should celebrate -- I've been wrong about everything for a whole year."

"I think it was a fair settlement. I got the house and car. He got custody of the highway we adopted."

"Just pretend she's a par four and you're Tiger Woods."

"Henry! You aren't making a difference!"

"Will a current automotive term finally help you understand? Leo, I have zero percent interest in you."

"Not only have the drug companies merged -- apparently, so have their pills."

"That's sweet. But I'd rather be a Bachelorette than a Desperate Housewife."

"Look, Honey. I admitted I was wrong. I don't have to endure one of your lectures, too, do I?"

"No, I'm not the waiter. I'm the genetic engineer. How would you like your lamb?"

"I liked the original remake better."