"You kids better settle down or I'll turn this car right back around!"

"Enough with the Chicken Soup for the Soul. How about some pizza for the son?"

"Have you picked out a domain name yet?"

"On this model, the wife and kids are factory-installed."

"Before we learn this song, it's important to understand that cutting off the tail of a mouse is never acceptable."

"This video of Billy's first day at school is due back in two days, Mom!"

"I'm so glad you're home. There's something in the refrigerator I want you to smell."

"Doesn't know his ABC's yet, but he can already ID nearly 20 fast-food chains."

"I think we're in line for the roller coaster. Or maybe hot dogs. It's still too early to tell."

"I happen to be quite proud of the fact that I have no self-esteem, thank you very much."

"His family's old money."

"Just put the tattoo where your mom won't see it. It's no big deal. I've done it dozens of times."

"I think it would be a good idea if you took some time from your Web site to play with your father."

"You are aware, I hope, that other kids are satisfied with a drink of water."

"I found out that I'm eligible for paid family leave. So Dear- I'm leaving."

"I need two Happy Meals. And one I'm-Not-Happy-About-This-At-All Meal."

"The turkey's a bit overdone. You have your choice of dark meat and very dark meat."