Pain & progress

Mary J. Blige channeled hardship into passionate music and a shelf of Grammys. Now, she's in a loving marriage and hitting all the high notes.

By Rebecca Louie

"My husband's getting the bulk of the disaster [that previous relationships] caused. But he's helping me."

On the chart-topping single "Real Love," from her 1992 debut album, a raw and emotionally ravaged Mary J. Blige begged the heavens for a boon: "Send me someone real / to caress me and to guide me / towards a love my heart can feel." For years, the universe denied her. Tumultuous relationships, self-acknowledged substance abuse and deep insecurities mounted. Blige sang about them all, and even though her pain brought her stardom, it also threatened to destroy her. Then, in 2000, producer Kendu Isaacs walked into her life.

"It was a wake-up call," says Blige, 37. Dressed in an olive turtleneck sweater, jeans, Michael Kors boots and no makeup, Blige looks more like an understated urban Everygirl than the runway-ready megastar she has become. In a Manhattan hotel suite, she sits back in a chair and shakes her head. "Kendu wasn't afraid to challenge me, like, 'What's wrong with you? Why would you do this to yourself?' " says Blige, her expressive hands gripping the air to emphasize her point. "Once I found love, I found self-love. It's the awareness that someone [cares] about you, so why don't you?"

The pair married in 2003, and Isaacs now manages her career. Among his tasks is brokering big deals, such as Blige's recent Heart of the City tour with hip-hop icon Jay-Z. Onstage, Blige showcased songs from her eighth studio album, "Growing Pains," which bumped Josh Groban out of the No. 1 spot in January. With Isaacs' support, she slowly achieved sobriety and a sense of self-worth.

The new Mary was reflected in her music, in which themes of healing have replaced heartache. The songs still express Blige's signature vulnerability, only now they offer optimism as well. In 2006, Blige won three of her eight Grammy nominations for "The Breakthrough," her celebratory self-affirmation.

"Over the years I've watched her study the industry," Isaacs says of Blige's professional evolution. "She implements what she's learned and articulates what she wants. She understands she's the boss, that she is her brand, so she has to take control of it."

The duo enforce their own laws when it comes to mixing work with play. A cadre of assistants keeps them from bugging each other about little things. They wait for heated moments to cool down before pushing a point. And when Isaacs' pager is off, no work talk is allowed. Those moments are family time, spent at a new Saddle River, N.J., mansion complete with a movie theater, hardwood basketball court, wine tasting room and six-car garage.

Although Blige doesn't have children of her own, she is a loving stepmom to Isaacs' two children (Nasir, 8, and Jordan, 9) from a previous relationship. Isaacs marvels at how she flourishes with the kids. "You got to look at how Mary grew up," he points out. "One of the things lacking in her life was the intimacy and affection that other people get. But she definitely has it. My children hug and kiss on Mary all day long, and she genuinely gives that back to them. It's a beautiful sight." However, it isn't always easy for Blige to express giddy sentiments when it comes to her man. "When men get all mush, mush" -- Blige contorts her face with horror -- "it's like, ugh! I am totally not the romantic."

Blige, who spent years in a turbulent relationship with singer K-Ci of Jodeci fame, concedes, "I am learning how now -- a little massage, a 'Hi, baby.' " Then she grows serious, her words measured. She explains why she still at times keeps her defenses up, loses her temper, opens her own doors and pulls out her own chairs. "I had to be so hard for so many years. When I showed little pieces of my affection, I was taken advantage of. After a while, you're like, 'Nobody has to do anything for me' because of all of the rejection and hurt. My husband is getting the bulk of the disaster [that previous relationships] caused. But he has been helping me because he is so patient and kind."

Her journey as a woman and artist has been an inspiration to both fans and friends. "Mary is all heart," says Jay-Z. "I used to sense an awkwardness in her, and I assumed it was a lack of self-esteem, or maybe she thought she was too 'ghetto' to hold conversations in certain places. I wanted to tell her nothing could be further from the truth, and everybody wants to know the information she has. She has lived and survived the tale. The real truth about Mary is, she knows she is only one way -- from the heart -- and she chooses whom to converse with because she knows the world judges. She's brilliant."

Blige was raised in the hardened housing projects of Yonkers, N.Y. At 5, she has said, she was molested by a family friend. Even her love of singing, a talent she discovered at 7, was stifled. "In the neighborhood I grew up in, if something good happened to you, you better not tell nobody," she says. "If you did something great, you had to pay for it!"

Blige admits that maintaining her positive outlook is a continual struggle. She takes comfort in her family, the Bible and self-help tomes like "A New Earth." Staying healthy is also a goal; she and Isaacs have a chef who keeps them on a low-carb diet, and she works out with a trainer. (Earlier this year, her spokeswoman denied a report that linked Blige to steroid use, and she declined to comment further.) To those close to her, she finally has allowed the loving woman deep inside her to flourish. "How I see her today is how I saw her when I first met her, though she didn't see herself the same way then," says her husband, describing a joyful Blige who indulges in belly laughs and dances around the house. "She has always been this jewel. Now, she is shedding whatever insecurities that might have been holding her back."

And Blige herself tries not to restrain her happy impulses. "I had to learn to smell the roses, just enjoy and be happy," she says. "I learned to not be afraid and to not be imprisoned by how serious I think life is. That's the balance."

Cover and cover story photographs by Ben Watts, Kramer + Kramer