Family Chat: USA Weekend's Dennie Hughes
Dennie Hughes
USA WEEKEND |
Monday, Feb. 12, 4 p.m. ET
Valentine's Day is coming up. Do you need a gift
tip? A great date suggestion? Log on and ask Dennie Hughes, USA Weekend's
advice and "relationtip" expert and contributing editor. Dennie's
also available to take any and all questions and comments on tough-to-confront
family issues and relationship advice. In-law problems? Stepparent issues?
Log on and get the scoop.
Sunland Park, NM: Yes i'm 16 and i got married well my relationship
hasn't been working and I only have seven month of marriage I used to live
with his mother in law and she and her sister are always putting things
on his mind about me that's why we got in a fight and now we don't live
together and I really miss him alot
Dennie Hughes:
Sunlan Park, NM: We love each other but us living there I don't think
we are going to make it. Like for an example in the weekends we are alone
and we are so happy when we get home he just dosn't talk to me or look at
me he just wants to be talking with his mother or just cause the mother
tells him that he puts all the attention to me and that it isn't fair for
them so that's the reason he doesn't talk to me when we are at home
Dennie Hughes: It really sounds like you two aren't ready for such
a big commitment... you two really need to take some time to decide what
you need from a relationship and then discuss...
Lee, MA: Is 6 years older too much?
Dennie Hughes: Depends on the actual ages -- 30 and 36 is no big
deal... however, 16 and 22 is.
: Hi. Actually I am living in South Korea. My name is ducheon. I
got married for about 4 years. But surprisinglu even for myself I did not
offer any special present for my wife except for our wedding-related presents.
So I make up my mind to give my wife a surprising gift for this Valentine'
day. I will not tell my honey about this event. What kind of present will
make my wife excited most? I will tell you something. I don't want to get
my wife a chocholate.
Dennie Hughes: Terrific! Does she like fashion, jewelry or music?
Think about the things she loves most... and keep chatting, because I'll
be putting in my top fun finds list at the end!
Beverly Hills, CA: Dear Dennie, I really love your column and all
the wonderful things you have to say....always insightful! So, I'm trying
to figure out what to get my boyfriend for Valentine's Day. I'm in a gay
relationship...so I'm not sure if the same rules apply. Any help? I need
a clever idea quick!
Dennie Hughes: Gay or straight, love is love baby! (and thanks for
the compliment!) I am really liking these terrific love coupon books I've
seen -- the best of the group are the ones by Gregory J.P. Godek, and they're
so much fun - between the massages and the Sunday breakfasts in bed, there's
a whole year worth of Valentines in there!
Waunakee, WI: Should IÝsend a Valentine card to my ex-girlfriend?
It's been almost three months since I last saw her and I still have feelings
for her.
Dennie Hughes: There's nothing wrong with sending a card, but don't
send her anything tooooo mushy or personal.... as a matter of fact, emailing
something from www.americangreetings.com would be perfect, because e-mail
takes the toooo personal out but you can still say something nice....
Lexington, Kentucky: Hi Dennie, What are you giving your significant
other for Valentines Day? Did you buy your gift online? Or are you making
it? Just curious...
Dennie Hughes: I'm doing a little of both -- I always make my card....
my honey is getting Old Navy heart boxers (they're pretty inexpensive --
check 'em out at www.oldnavy.com or at a store near you) and then, of course,
there's going to be dinner..... impromptu gourmet (I'll explain all about
that at the end)
Los Angeles, Calfornia: Can you suggest any romantic restaurants
in L.A. for Valentine's Day?
Dennie Hughes: Whoa -- I don't usually end up doing the romantic
dinner thing in LA (I'm usually there for business) ... any one of our chatters
have a clue?
TACOMA, WA: How long does it take to get over a divorce? Where are
the nice girls?
Dennie Hughes: Getting over a divorce is very personal... you need
to grieve at your own pace, and keep your friends around so that you don't
end up doing something like calling your ex up in the middle of the night
and then hanging up, just to hear his or her voice...
Tacoma, Wa.: How long does it take to get over a divorce? Where can
the nice women be found?
Dennie Hughes: Nice women are EVERYWHERE! It's always best not to
try and meet 'em in bars where alcohol changes the personality.... try church,
clubs, the gym...
TAMPA, FL: WHAT DO YOU GIVE YOUR WIFE AFTER 19 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.
FLOWERS, DONE THAT. JEWLERY, DONE THAT. DINNER, DONE THAT. WHAT NOW?
Dennie Hughes: Trust me, the dinner, flowers and jewelry thing isn't
something a woman gets tired of... however, if you want to do something
original, have a picnic... in your living room! Provide the blanket, the
wine, the food, music and put candles everywhere before she comes home....
soooo romantic. You could also consider giving her a wonderful beauty day
at a spa, or better yet, go with her and get a room where you both can indulge
in a massage...
San Francisco, CA: My wife and I have been married for almost 2 years.
What is the hot valentine's gift this year from romantic (but procrastinating)
husbands?
Dennie Hughes: Whoa -- procrastination can be killer, particularly
if you're an online shopper type -- you could head over to giftcertificates.com,
or to a local or mall, and get a certificate for something out of the ordinary...
the key here, for you and everyone, is to really think about the things
your honey loves to do and find something you can link to that....
alexandria va: I have a friend that wants to spend everyday and evening
with me. I feel at times and i have told her that we don't need to see each
other everyday but i fall in the trap of seeing her anyway. I feel that
i must put my foot down and say no to everynight with her. Now my ? to you
is when i do this do u think she will get the wrong idea that i am out seeing
other women,in addition do i tell her i what i am doing or just let her
see that i am not coming around everyday
Dennie Hughes: Well, ARE you seeing another woman? If not, then just
tell her that, as much as you love hanging out with her, you also need to
spend time with your friends or just hanging out, enjoying alone time. If
she cannot understand that, be careful -- she sounds extremely needy and
you may need to pull the plug
Cincinnati, OH: what's a good gift for those of us who are swamped
all day, since Valentine's Day is on a weekday and may not have time to
spend the evening with our Valentine?
Dennie Hughes: Send flowers. Send lunch (trust me, people who never
get to take lunch will appreciate your picking out, paying for and then
sending something they can have at their desks -- so sweet!) Commemorate
the day, and then provide a coupon promising a weekend of bliss.... letting
your honey know that you are willing to make Valentines Day last over a
long weekend will work....
San Francisco, California: Dennie, where can I get some cute and
romantic gifts for my boyfriend?
Dennie Hughes: Here's two ideas:
For that Great Guy:
For the serious type: Cross pens! Iím not kidding -- the stylish, egonomically
correct Morph Digital Writer is too cool, and the new Cross Ion gel Pen
(a palm-sized pen that grows to standard size with a twist) are available
at www.cross.com
For the not so serious: Boxer shorts! Check out Disneyís ìTigger Amid Blue
Flamesî style (www.disneystore.com) or head over to Old Navy for their Valentineís
Day themed boxers -- lips and hearts styles are a bargain at $6.50-$8.50!
(www.oldnavy.com)
Comment from Dennie Hughes: To me, Valentineís Day is all about a
nice, romantic dinner, exchanging gifts that have more to do with pleasure
than practicality, and then snuggling for the rest of the evening, phone
unplugged. Every year I look for new gift ideas that will help make the
day one to remember, and hereís my list of this yearís greats you should
be aware of: My absolute, number one rave find: Impromptu Gourmet entrees:
OHMIGOD, I cannot say enough about this gourmet, four-star dinner-for-two!
Prepared by the master chefs from some of New York Cityís top restaurants,
these dinners come with all the ingredients measured, prepped and ready
to be cooked by you with very little effort! In less than 30 minutes (and
for only $35) my boyfriend and I were enjoying generous portions of heavenly
crispy breast of duck with couscous and pomegranate sauce! Skip the competition
to get reservations at a restaurant hyping hiked-up Valentineís Day dinner
ìdealsî and and get one of these meals delivered, pronto! (www.impromptugourmet.com)
Comment from Dennie Hughes: Rave No. 2 -- for those who indulge in
a little bit of something with alcohol, I've got a great find: How about
Sake? Itís not just for Japanese food anymore - todayís sake (which, by
the way, does NOT give you a hangover -- I overindulged and found this to
be true!) has delicate flavors and fruity bouquets that appeal to fine wine
drinkers, thanks to the experts at SakeOne. Pair one with your impromptu
gourmet meal: www.sakeone.com
san jose, ca: My boyfriend is sick with the flu. He will probably
still be sick by v-day. What's special that i can do for him while he's
sick in bed?
Dennie Hughes: You are sooooooo nice! First, make sure that you don't
get sick yourself -- do kiss, but don't forget to wash your hands after
coming in contact -- believe it or not, hand-washing will keep you from
getting sick!
Then, how about a picnic bed tray of chicken noodle soup, some hot peach
tea served in a heart mug, all served by amazing you in some verrry pretty
lingerie? Men are very visual -- give him something to get better for!
Brooklyn, NY: I am currently dating a great guy. There is one problem...he
has bad breath. What is the best way to tell me he needs help?
Dennie Hughes: Be honest with him but do it carefully! The next time
he comes by, comment, "oooo, sweetie, did you have garlic for lunch?" --
this will be your new mantra. ALWAYS ask him this. Eventually he'll ask
why you're always asking, and you can say it's because his breath smells
"funny." Then say that you have had this problem, and suggest something
-- like brushing his tongue when he brushes his teeth, or chewing sugarless
gum to get the saliva flowing, or some breath mints --
Comment from Dennie Hughes: Okay -- time for another Valentine's
Day idea: Looking for a little Mood music: The Heart of the Matter: Frank
Sinatra Sings About Love -- romantic compilation CD available at Starbucks
(while youíre there, check out their line of desserts, like chocolate-covered
cherries -- YUM!) Speaking of dessert: BaskinRobbins, baby! Check out Love
Potion and Triple Chocolate Passion - yum! Food -- the way to ANYONE's heart
is through the stomach!!!
San Francisco, California: We are only a month into our relationship..Is
boxer a little too sexy?
Dennie Hughes: Nah -- especially if you get fun ones, like the ones
at Old Navy or the Disney store -- fun cartoony things make the underwear
seem less, well, underwear-like. And trust me, he'll be pleased -- guys
ALWAYS run out of their regular underwear before laundry day, and this will
keep 'em from,, well, you know.... hanging the wrong way...
Sacramento, Ca: My wife and I are very much in love, but we seem
to argue over money. So I would like to get her a unique gift, something
personalized, but under $50? Any thoughts?
Dennie Hughes: I discovered the COOLEST thing the other day -- Noir
is a company that airbrushes yours and your honeyís name on quality 100%
cotton tees or leather handbags, then adds the sparkle of rhinestones to
it. (Call to order (310) 854-1058) Tees are less than $50, and I just ordered
one to advertise Petey and Dennie Forever! This is the year of the rhinestone
and sparkle, so she'll love it!
Cincinnati, OH: Hi Dennie-I love your ideas about extending Valentine's
Day? Is this sort of like writing an IOU?
Dennie Hughes: Absolutely! Let's face it -- most of us are really
busy during the week, and the 14th isn't always convenient -- act like the
Valentine's fairy, and every day put a little love note under your honey's
pillow with another promise about what the weekend will bring, or another
CLUE as to what you'll be doing..... and it doesn't have to be expensive
-- the picnic in the middle of the living room bit is just as nice as a
fancy-schmansy restaurant...
Hamilton, Ohio: My husband lost his job and did not receive the severance
package like the other men because he did not follow the instructions correctly.
I tried to help him by advising him that he needed to complete certain steps
or he would not get the money. We really needed that money because we are
very much in debt which is mostly my fault. He is very depressed and upset
with himself and me. I want to try to be there for him and help even if
it means that I work two job, but nother seems to be bringing him around.
I am worried what can I do?
Dennie Hughes: Be supportive. Don't constantly bring up the money
issue, or the unemployment issue. Do your part to make ends meet, but don't
beat yourself up for past money indiscretions.... and be prepared that sex
will be at the bottom of his priority list. It's hard for men to suddenly
feel like they cannot provide for..... be kind and positive, and do figure
out what you can do on the workfront to help.
Des Moines, IA: I am in my 10th year of marriage,4th year of Med
school,4 kids, and no money till internship starts in July of this year.
Wife does not like wine(or the like) or my silly poems.
Dennie Hughes: I cannot believe she doesn't like your "silly" poems!
Okay, then, make the poems less "silly" and more personal, make it a love
poem. Then, tuck it into a lovely card that you make.... then, find a cheapo
$1 frame from the dollar store, spray paint it red, paint on hearts and
find a lovely picture of the two of you to put into it, or one of you holding
a large paper heart that says, "this is yours.... for keeps..." And, of
course, several coupons for things like "you sleep late, I'll make breakfast"
and "one foot massage".....
Comment from Dennie Hughes: Okay, everyone, like I said earlier....
this is the year of studs and rhinestones.... And speaking of this yearís
must-have fashion statement -- SPARKLE! -- check out the amazing lines at
Joomi Joolz -- Iím mad for the tees, belt buckles and jewelry (Madonna is
sportiní Joomiís styles in her ìMusicî video). www.girlshop.com Finally,
check out Swarovski counters for wonderful stick-on rhinestone tattoos in
hearts and stars (they last for days, by the way... Keep that love thang
going!) Call 800-426-3088 for the nearest location.
Comment from Dennie Hughes: Also loving this year: these gifts are
for ANYONE: something old and something new: Fun gifts for ANYONE: E-fortunes
Electronic Fortune Cookies -- a cute variation on the magic 8-ball theme
-- ask the pink fortune cookie a love question, open it up and it will tell
you your fortune (available at Claireís Boutiques). Twister -- yup, the
game -- need I remind you how itís played? The name says it all!
Comment from Dennie Hughes: Any of you out there want to give a gift
that gives back? I'm so into those types of gifts -- something that I can
enjoy and a portion of my proceeds go to help others. Here's two great ones:
Gifts that give back: Liz Claiborneís leather bracelets are finished with
a squared-off sterling silver bar incribed with ìLove is Not Abuse;î a small
sterling heart dangles from the bars. An inexpensive ($10) and fashionable
way to help prevent violence towards women. Order: (800) 449-STOP or www.lizclaiborne.com
Create your own scent, or choose a celebrity signature fragrance (created
for Daisy Fuentes, Kristin Davis or Allison Janney); purchase the purse
spray for $10, and reflect.com will kick back a $10 to the American Heart
Association. Www.reflect.com
Comment from Dennie Hughes: A lot of my friends who aren't in relationships
hate Valentine's Day -- I can't understand that, because, even when I was
single, I looked at the holiday as an excuse to eat chocolate and let someone
know that I cared about them....
Comment from Dennie Hughes: Why not have a singles party? A mixed
crowd (guys and girls) can rent a karaoke machine and sing cheesy love songs.....
prizes for the best and worst renditions. Ladies can do a beauty night,
do each others nails and hair... the hostess can pick up fun Valentines
Day lights from Target, along with heart stationery, and then everyone writes
letters to either their fave actor (Tom Cruise IS single again....) or to
personals ads!
Comment from Dennie Hughes: Men: how about a love IOU for: one afternoon
of window shopping, no groaning allowed? Women: how about a love IOU for:
20 minutes of uninterrupted back scratching?
Comment from Dennie Hughes: And by the way..... if you're going to
get really cozy, donít forget to protect yourself: www.condonmania.com makes
having safe sex fun, but if you can't get to 'em before Wednesday, get thee
to a drugstore for any brand.
Comment from Dennie Hughes: How about an IOU for a day of total togetherness?
No interruptions, no outsiders and definitely no TV.....
Comment from Dennie Hughes: Next week, let's talk about some serious
issues facing families -- I'd love to hear from you regarding things that
threaten the ties that bind, and see if we can come up with a solution...
Comment from Dennie Hughes: My next column will deal with the reality
TV phenom, SURVIVOR.... do any of you think that this type of show sends
a negative message? Do you think "reality" TV really portrays
real life? I'd love to hear your comments on that!
Comment from Dennie Hughes: Alrighty, everyone,
we're near the end of the chat.... thanks for everyone who checked in! Have
a great week, and don't forget to sign in next Monday at 4:00!!!! Stay well,
be safe, and keep reading RelationTips!
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